Someone asked me the other day, ‘What does wholehearted mean to you, Heather?’
For me, it’s about accepting, all the good, all the bad, all the stuff we’ve been told to or taught to ignore or bury. It’s a simple word and implementing what it means to me will likely take me the rest of my life practicing.
Accepting myself is the first step to forgiveness. More on that another time.
Also, wholehearted is openness. There are lots of good parents, loving and kind who are there for their kids and care a lot. And they may not be open to looking at themselves. And that’s okay.
To be wholehearted is to be willing to look at ourselves in new ways, sometimes less than flattering ways.
I can almost hear the question if I’m going to look bad when I look then why would I look? There’s a lot of positive feedback for avoidance however, the reason to look, to choose the wholehearted way is because those who benefit from your willingness are your children. They will be watching as they grow and to see acceptance and openness modeled to them as an example of how to live and grow and fall and get back up is an incredible gift.
I thought perfectionism would save me. I would be perfect or at least very close. That would keep me safe and out of trouble. And if I couldn’t guarantee success then I wouldn’t try. My life was very small, very tidy, and very boring. Peeking over the fence to see what messy and risky and alive looked like was the best thing I’ve ever done. And I chose for me but I see and hear that my stretching benefited my sons. They are wholehearted, kind, able to be present with people who are upset, and situations that are uncomfortable.
Wholehearted is to have the courage to try, for yourself and for those you love.
Are you wholehearted? What does it look like? When you choose from your whole heart what becomes available? Who do you get to be?